That's madness Nuke. It literally makes my heart hurt to think of some deviant psychologist whispering in your ear that all of this is normal and fine, and not helping with the underlying problem. Is it Dr. Goldstein? Birnbaum? The whole field is acid and not helping you one bit.
So now that I got my 2-cents out there, if it's support you need, then you'll have it from me. I doubt you would listen to anything otherwise, and you are my friend. I'm glad to see the rest of these old farts hanging around too. I'll have to concede that I know nothing about all of this other than my instinctive reaction, and am not walking in your shoes. I bet your shoes are dazzling now, by the way. It makes you happy and doesn't step on my freedom, so it falls firmly in the realm of things that are none of my business. So, what do I call you now? GG?